This is an angst-y post so don't kill yourself. I need to reorganise too so ha. This is a messy post. You have been warned.

If you were to step into my shoes, and I, yours, how will you view my life, what will you make of the people around me, what will you feel? sympathy? disgust? admiration? perhaps I flatter myself too much. will you feel empathy? will you really?

and what will I see from your eyes? what do you want to show them? how do you want me to act? shall I hide from myself the way you hide from yourself?

There are so many things that I wish to share but the words don't come and even if they do, they don't come out right. There are so many things that I wish to share but the right words won't come.

I try not to talk about the day to day happenings of my life. What's the point of reminiscing about the past?
But there are things that I wish to remember!
Why?
They make me feel good.
Feelings, feelings, feelings.
What's the point?
Feelings give us life.
Where will life be if we have no 'fillings' ah?

0.0
Okay...I should stop now but I can't because this burning ache within me flames and compels me to go on regardless of the very blatant (are they really there? point them out) grammatical mistakes that fill this... Perhaps it's the fever. I don't know what I'm talking about. No, I know but I don't understand why. It's those blasted emotions again. Sleep will be a reprieve only it won't. Not if you dream dreams that won't go away in the morning. Dreams that cloud your mind like fine mist, so slowly and so unexpectedly.

I don't leave the house sometimes because I'm afraid of being judged. They say it's easy to just ignore the others but it's not. Not always anyway. I see a rainbow of emotions on their faces and sometimes it's so beautiful, I laugh. However it's mostly ugly and I'll feel anger/sad. And it's almost always that other humans are the cause of this ugliness. That's why I'm semi-misanthropic.

I believe I should end off soon...
You ask me why Anglo-Chinese, why Raffles? Perhaps it's because they know how to put the thoughts that fester in my mind into words so eloquently. No, it's not the school, it's the people that I admire. No, not like students in a neighbourhood school with their range of dialects and their inability to comprehend and provide an answer. Of course, it's not the case for everybody but looking at the majority...  There are times where I'm really glad I'm in one. It's here that I experience things that I won't experience elsewhere but I'm sorry. I tend to focus on imperfections and their flaws shine like the gaudy lights in Geylang. I'm cruel like that and I'm sorry.
Because I'm shallow and pretentious.
Because I reject the very people that I'm classed with. 
No. Everybody is equal. 
Because I know that there's equality but I am ruled by prejudice.
Because I judge.
Because I think like that.
Because I think that death might be a solution

But I'm afraid. I want to live but I don't want to live like this. I must change my ways but I don't allow myself to. Why?

Why?

I apologise for the inordinate amount of 'I's. I don't want to talk about myself either but JUDGE ME. You're going to do that now right?

(Y)